Reflections of a woman of a certain age

As a woman of a certain age, I’ve noticed something that’s both subtle and unsettling — the way people in healthcare (and sometimes society at large) begin to treat you like you’ve been “old” your entire life. It’s as if aging somehow wipes away your history, your intelligence, and your accomplishments.

I’ve experienced professionals speaking slowly and condescendingly, assuming I don’t understand, can’t ask questions, or have nothing valuable to contribute. They don’t ask about my background, my work, or even my preferences. The presumption is that I’ve somehow reached this stage with no story, no fire, and no insight — as if I didn’t live a full life before this moment.

But let me be clear — I’m a woman who intended to grow old gracefully. Never mind that I wasn’t exactly sure what that looked like then… and if I’m honest, I’m still figuring it out now. The idea of aging was shaped by the era I was born in — a stylized version of “graceful aging” with quiet resignation and soft cardigans.

But that’s not me.

I’ve been a professional most of my life. I’ve lived boldly, loved deeply, taken risks, raised a family, built a career, and continue to learn and give. Yet too often, I’m met with assumptions rather than curiosity. A nurse once patted my hand like I was a child, explaining a medication as if I’d never heard of it — not knowing I’d written papers on pharmacology in my earlier years. Another time, a technician avoided eye contact with me and spoke only to the younger person accompanying me, as though I were invisible.

Here’s what I want to say:

Ask us questions. Engage us. Don’t talk at us — talk to us.

We’ve lived. We still are living.

We are not just aging — we are evolving.

Growing older isn’t about fading away — it’s about showing up fully, with all the wisdom, humor, pain, and power that life has given us. So, no — we are not confused, passive, or irrelevant. We are women of a certain age, and we still matter. I had to get this of my mind as I have experienced it and have watched it happen.

Oh also for those in the people dealing field when some says no to one of your suggestions they are not being none compliant they are refusing and how ever you need to document that without it appearing as if the client is being obstinate document it. Documenting or even discussing with a peer that the person is or was being none compliant is a negative connotation which leads others to make unnecessary assumptions about the person….

and for those who want to state they only have 30 minutes or 15 minutes to meet with a person in which for what ever reason they are seeing them and it is not enough time to get all of that well for me that is in the people dealing business… its called depending on the process you are dealing with said person with you can actually talk to them while doing what you are doing. Ok I am through with this… well maybe….we will see.

Mental Health Wednesday Reminder

Just a reminder that Mental Health Wednesday is tomorrow — then every first Wednesday of the month! 🌿

Join me at or around 10 AM for a new blog post or a continuation of an ongoing mental health conversation. Let’s grow, reflect, and heal together — one post at a time.

Stay tuned!

Donna